Good comebacks

Good comeback lines

A goodcome back line can save a badly received pick up line

Ok, I wouldn’t be a very nice friend if I didn’t also organise a few good witty retorts to deflect any… how can we put it? ‘negativity’ from those women who are less than enthralled by your most valiant efforts.

I’m talking about, of course, the witty comeback. A great comeback line may be the only way to save face in the unlikely event that your chat up line goes down like a pint of cold sick. It shows you’re not a one hit wonder and that you can handle a bit of banter. In fact, a quick and funny reply is a great way to impress if the initial pick up line falls on its arse as well as being an opportunity to continue your chat.

Witty replies and jovial banter – not too offensive

I can’t believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

You’re like a bag of pampers. Self absorbed and full of shit.

Somewhere … there is a village being deprived of an idiot!

I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one.

She paid £500 to have her family tree searched, and found out she was the sap.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

If you’re gonna be a smart arse, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you’re just an arse.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

A few good comebacks if a girl you don’t like hits on you. It could happen!!


Personally, I’ve never really been plagued or swamped by girls hitting on me or chatting me up. So a witty response to a corny pickup line is not something I have needed. But, I’m sure there are guys out there so keen to meet miss Right, that they don’t have time to waste talking to miss Wrong. Some classic replies here, enjoy.

Q: “Hey, haven’t I seen you someplace before?
A: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Q: “Haven’t we met before?”
A: “Maybe. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

Q: “Is this seat empty?”
A: “Yes. This one will be too if you sit down.”

Q: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
A: “It’s in the phone book.”
Q: “But I don’t know your name.”
A: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Q: “So, wanna go back to my place?”
A: “Well, I don’t know. Will two of us fit under a rock?”

Q: “Your place or mine?”
A: “Both. You go to your place, I’ll go to mine.”

Good Comeback lines – slightly more offensive

Remember, a man is judged on how he accepts defeat so you may not want to go too far down this list – it goes from light banter to down right sexist insults and mud slinging.

Quality, jovial banter – come back line

1. Is it time for your medication.
2. I wish we were better strangers.
3. I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had about you.
4. Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?
5. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
6. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time.
7. Not everyone is annoying, some are dead.

“I’m slightly bitter about your rebuttal” – type of reply

8. Other than being disgusting, irritating, stupid and smelly, your actually quite okay.
9. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
10. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
11. Don’t be humble, you’re not that great.
12. I’m not so good with the advice, can I interest you with a sarcastic comment.
13. Are those your eyeballs, I found them in my crotch.
14. I see you’re still working on your random intelligence.

Yip, I’m bitter and feeling stupid – response

15. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.
16. The trouble with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
17. With your IQ, I don’t think you would understand.
18. Your so funny you make people laugh at you.
19. Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole bar.

Yip, drunk and angry now – think I’ll start a fight… – Oscar Wilde type of a come back

20. There’s a fine line between house-sitting and breaking into someone’s home while they’re on vacation and eating all their food.
21. Perhaps I’m not your type, I’m not battery operated.
22. I can’t believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
23. How many times do I have to flush before you go away.
24. I could have been your dad but the dog beat me over the fence.

Back home to great pick up lines… and check out our post on good comeback lines.